This month was the one year "birthday" of our first baby Riley. My heart ached knowing I would never get to experience life with him. I knew that God has a plan for us and I kept that in mind as I went day to day. The twins due date is coming up in just about two weeks. It is a complicated feeling to know that there are three babies waiting for me in heaven.
I have some great blessings to share with everyone though... I am pregnant! Not only am I pregnant but I am 23wks pregnant with a little boy. Being pregnant after losing three babies is complicated. It was filled with uncertainty and sometimes fear.
About a week after having a positive pregnancy test back in January I started bleeding. I was for sure that we would lose this baby too. My OB was wonderful and let me have an early ultrasound... baby was measuring two weeks behind. I cannot even put the emotions I had into words. The emotions were tremendous thinking we would lose this baby too. Four in heaven, God are you sure? Turns out he had another plan. Against what my doctors were saying that miscarriage was a good possibility out little baby grew and grew. He always measured a bit behind but when we saw the heartbeat my OB was no longer concerned we would lose him (although we didn't know he was a he yet). She put me on progesterone supplements because mine was just a little low (12 when they liked 15 or highter). The progesterone had awful side effects. That topped with my never ending morning sickness and bleeding I didn't even feel myself anymore. Everyday was just a constant battle over my flesh to let God handle it. Andrew stood faithfully by my side through it all. Praying daily for the little one growing in my womb. We were "at risk" until 24wks but not quite "high risk" because everything started to turn around. The bleeding stopped at about ten weeks and baby started measuring right on track with his new due date. We think I just ovulated late. God kept showing us over and over his faithfulness.
We are naming him Jonah. Jonah means "peace" or "dove." Like the peace after heartache or the dove that Noah sent out of the ark when the storm was over. Jonah is our blessing and I love this little boy so much. He is due to make his arrival in the middle of September. I can feel him move everyday now; such an amazing and reassuring feeling to have him move regularly. It makes me giggle because sometimes when I am working little Jonah is going crazy in there and it makes it hard to consentrate. I learned that if I bounce my knee while I am working it rocks him to sleep.
We are so blessed with our three itty-bitties in heaven and this beautiful miracle in my womb. We are forever grateful for Him choosing us to be Riley, Brielle, Maia and Jonah's parents.
I became a mother of FOUR children before my 23rd birthday!
What an amazing blessing.
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