Being Human

Part of being human is being fallen. We all make mistakes, we all get frustrated, we all get angry, we all say things we shouldn't have. I had one of those moments... okay so the past 24 hours has been one big moment of this.

God has been challenging Andrew and I lately.I became frustrating and angry. I pouted like a child because I was confused and could not see what He is doing in our life. I am human. I realized what I was doing, doubting God, and I didn't want to do it anymore. Last night I laid in bed and told Andrew I was so tired of it all I was done. People think I am so strong and able to keep everything together when in reality I fall apart all the time. I told Andrew that I was hurting to much and felt to lost to know what was happening. It made me sick with anxiety. I realized that this is wrong. God calls us to listen to him. In a relationship it doesn't just go way. I cannot be a child demanding things from God and not listening to what he wants for my life. I cannot ignore him any longer because he keeps tugging at my heart, "Katlyn, I am still here. Come sit in my hands like Thumbelina, you used to love spending time as my little Thumbelina." I want to get back to that place. Sitting in the palm of his hand no matter what storms rage around me, knowing I am safe.

I fall apart. I get angry. I cry.

My grandmother passed away yesterday. I loved her so much. I shared Christ with her ever since I was a little girl. She taught me my love for art. Buying me my first canvas she would spent hours painting with me. Her kitchen window is stain glassed with blur flowers and green leaves, we did that together. I remember how she would guide my hand to put the clear sealant over the glass. How she would let me dress up in her scarves and we would sit cuddling on the couch to watch HGTV. Her guest bathroom was the room she let me redecorate every time I came over, using whatever I wanted I interior decorated the bathroom. She had tiny feet and I remember the time I slipped on her black shoes and said, "look we wear the same size." Just a few years later I passed her up in height and in shoe size. She was an amazing grandma and I miss her.

I want Christ's peace back. I want him to fill up my life with more of him and less of me. I want to go back to Thumbelina.

Divine Romance

Have you ever been on a date with someone and they gave you a sunset? I have. I have this relationship, a tough relationship on my part, that is with the Creator of the Universe. He loves to romance me in ways people can't imagine. Romance goes so much farther than lovey-dovey, puppy-love things that people think. Romance isn't just dinner dates and roses. Romance is a life long dance. Well, I am dancing with my Savior. Two left feet and trying to keep up but it doesn't matter how clumsy I am because he carries me through the dance. 

 While dancing it feels like home. It feels like a place that looks like eternity and you can't imagine anywhere else. The love is more than anyone or anything on this earth could handle. It is a divine romance. When dancing through life it makes the tears seem shorter, the growth less painful, the days better, the smiles sweeter, the dreams closer. It makes it feel like this is all worth it, that the outcome of life is worth every misstep and clumsy move here because once I am in heaven for the dance of eternity, I will no longer have a clumsy step. When dancing I feel like I am completely enthralled with his plan for my life.

There are moments that I stop dancing. That I push my romancer away and I stop listening. I tune out the music and I just let the missteps overtake me and bring me down. Those little voices that say, "it is all your fault," or "you're not good enough," or even "there is a better dance partner for you." I let those things keep me from my divine romance and those times I feel so far away. It is those times in life where I don't feel content with where I am at. That I feel like my Savior is farther than arms lengths away even though he is still standing next to me, hand out waiting for me to be willing to dance again.

 I become so swallowed in the darkness that I swear there was never a light, never a dance in the first place. This place only comes because my eyes were closed. Standing in darkness because I tuned out the music, closed my eyes and turned away from my Savior. When I opened my eyes again I could see him standing right there, willing to dance again. Not to condemn or to pout or be angry that I ignored him, just to dance again. Dancing to his very alive and beating heart. The same heart that stopped for me and conquered death for me. The experience of dancing with your Savior is one that is indescribable unless you have been the one waltzing with him.

Our God is greater than anything imaginable. Brighter than the sun, sweeter than sugar, stronger than any earthly material, and more forgiving than any soul on earth. He is truly the only one worthy to dance with. We can focus on our own two feet, or even attempt to dance with someone else who has two left feet, but knowing what a true divine romance is something that must be experienced. When dancing you know his heart is speaking straight to yours. I hope to dance with my Savior for the rest of eternity. When my flesh fails and I close my eyes to turn away from him, he will be the one to open my eyes and take my hand to dance once again.

Change

One foot is still in 2011 and the other foot is planted firmly in 2012. I guess it just hasn't hit me quite yet that it is really 2012. I believe wholeheartedly that this is the year, THE year that God will show us more of his plan for us. Whether that is here in America, teaching in Africa, birthing babies, buying a house, moving, staying... We don't know what He has in-store for this year but I know that it will be Good.

"And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." -Romans 8:27-28

We celebrated the New Year in Maryland with Andrew family. It was amazing to be able to visit Maryland, Virginia and Pennsylvania (especially because that was my first time to Virginia and Pennsylvania). I fully enjoyed the trip and visiting people we hadn't seen in years. It was nice to be able to get away for a while. Away from our jobs, responsibility, and 2011. It was a fresh start, just like this new blog.  

L to R: Katlyn, Andrew, Josh, Handshoe, Greer, Jess

The boys (they have been friends since high school)

Andrew signing Josh's parents ceiling in the Ford Pub

My turn :)

Josh's little 4lb doggie

Handshoe (Dave), Andrew and Josh

Just a cute picture of Walli when we got home

The Team

Katlyn is a winter girl who finds magic in the muck and stories in the faceless. Andrew is a man’s-man who has car oil running through his blood and a hard working heart. They have decided to start over this wintery New Year. 2011 was a trying year; full of heartbreak and scars. After losing three of their unborn babies they starting to realize how truly fragile and breakable life is. So temporary and soft, time has no limit; whether it is short or long time just exists. Katlyn falls in love with characters in books and reads  far too often but has only one true love in real-life. Andrew and Katlyn fell in love February 2007 and wed February 2010. At moments they feel like Peter Pan children never wanting to grow up and just live in a fairy tale novel full of adventures. While other times they feel like they have been married and lived over a hundred years as they cling to each other for walking stability. They both are on a new path in life in a land that is unfamiliar and they have no map. There is only a Light unto their feet as they take one step forward at a time into the darkness as they wait for the sun to rise.

They call their three heavenside babies their Glory Babies. This is where the name of the blog came from. They are choosing to Bask in God's Glory no matter where life brings them. They hold hard to their faith and to eachother while on this journey to eternity.

You can find their old blog, We are Under the Same Sky, here